5 Stupid Things all Servers Hate

Serving is not easy.  So, of course, there are several things about the job that are horrible and justifiably hated by everyone in the business.  Vindicable hindrances of the industry include things like bad tippers, rude customers, slow business etc.  A few annoyances are to be expected in any career.  Serving for a number of years, though, has a tendency to make certain people curmudgeonly.  As a result, they start hating anything and everything.  My tenure in the industry has caused me to notice certain patterns in the more crotchety server’s complaints.  In fact, I’m guilty of complaining about a few of these things myself.  Finding yourself bent out of shape by the following things is silly and makes no sense, but nonetheless servers everywhere complain about these things consistently.  Here are five stupid things all servers hate……


While those of you in the business are unanimously sharing nods, the rest of the world is confusedly asking WTF.  Our hatred for bowls has a simple explanation; they screw up our pre-bussing mojo.  As servers, we value efficiency and are always looking for the quickest ways to complete a task.  The best servers can carry a stack of plates high enough to qualify them for a circus act.  plates

So when we’re collecting your dishes from the table, and you hand us a bowl, you’ve suddenly halted our mission.  We either have to put the bowl down somewhere and deal with carrying it later or, if our section is full and there’s nowhere to put the stupid bowl, we have to stop collecting dishes.  Bowls, ramekins, gravy boats, and basically any dish that isn’t shaped like a frisbee, severely hinder a busy server but it’s stupid because what else are you going to put your soup in?

Your Hot Tea Order

hot tea

This one is especially dumb but whenever you order hot tea, your server rolls her eyes on the inside.  It’s really not even that big a deal but the idea of pouring a hot tea makes us shudder.  Maybe if the drink order didn’t require multiple steps to make, yet add very little to bill, it wouldn’t irritate us so much.  Or maybe if we didn’t burn ourselves with the splashing hot water spigot everytime we used it, the idea of making a hot tea wouldn’t make us hate the person who ordered it.  It’s like that doorknob in Office Space that shocks Peter everytime he touches it.  And really, unless your British or something, why the hell are you drinking tea?  To seem fancy?  Just order a coffee, like a normal person.

When You Use Our Name too Much

Uhg, this is particularly annoying even if it doesn’t make any sense.  On one hand, we tell you our name so that you’ll use it instead of yelling “Miss”, or worse, “Maam” everytime you need something from us.  But if you’re making a point to use our name everytime you speak to us, even if it’s not necessary, it’s annoying.  It’s hard to explain why.  The worst offenders of this transgression are usually middle aged men on their lunch breaks.  The implication I get from them is that A: they’re trying really hard to remember my name for creepy, inappropriate reasons, and B: that they’re going to run me like crazy asking for things.  Whatever their reasons for overusing their server’s first name, it’s always annoying.

When You Don’t Drink Your Water

I can’t even with this one.  When you ask a server for water initially, it’s fine.  But when we’ve gone to clean your table after you’ve left and we find that you haven’t even touched the water, it’s excruciating.  What did you waste our time for?  A glass of water is not a decoration.

When You Tip us in Change

It doesn’t matter how much you leave us, if you leave it in quarters, you may as well have stiffed us.  You’ve actually put us out even more because now we have to walk around all day with an apron that’s sliding off because it’s full of heavy change.  Not too mention all the noise it’s making.

The moral of the story here, is that working with people can be highly taxing on the human psyche and has a tendency to make people a little crazy, which is probably why servers drink so much.  Bottoms up!  Oh and thanks and have a good night 😉

server drunkk


Angry Waitress


I was just dilly dallying around and I wrote this silly little poem.  It should resonate with those in the industry.  I hope you guys get a chuckle out of it.  Thanks and have a good night!

Angry Waitress

You said you wanted corned beef hash.
But I brought it to you and you glared.
I wish you knew that your mustache 
looks as though you grew it on a dare.

You've tapped me seven times for coffee.
And every time you need more cream.
Would I be so rude to proffer
that you go suckle on an engorged cow teat?

All of my guests are equally weird.
This one guy won't take the food out of his beard.
The woman in my booth is separating her peas.
I wonder; what's her mental disease?

Sometimes I think I might just lose it.
Like, when I asked "how are you" and you answered with "iced tea".
But without money I can't make it.
Such is the price of wage slavery.

Day in day out, I put on this face.
And everyday I grow more tired.
I like to think I'll move on to a better place.
But I'll be here 'til I get fired.

But when I finally lose my mind,
please try not to forget that time
you glared at me and your corned beef hash.
Because frankly, you could kiss my ass.

My Response To Those Who Think Tipping Should Be Banned

I’m assuming that many of my readers understand that tipping is largely an American custom.  In many European countries tipping is not compulsory and the servers are generally making a higher hourly wage.  In America servers make anywhere from two to five dollars an hour and rely on tips to pay their bills.  This is, or should be, common knowledge to most people.  So why don’t American restaurants just pay their servers more and put an end to the custom of mandatory tipping?  I have many opinions on why this American custom should steadfastly ensue but I’ve never felt the need to exert them via the internet until I watched this unsettling video from College Humor……

He makes a good argument.  If restaurant owners simply paid their servers a livable wage customers could simply enjoy their meals stress and computation free and servers would not be scrambling to make ends meet, right?  This sounds great in theory but, like Communism, when put into practice, it doesn’t work, at least not for America.  Here are a few reasons why.

1. A So-Called “Livable” Wage is not Actually Livable.

How much do you think a server deserves to make an hour?  Ten, fifteen dollars?  Sounds reasonable.  But wait a minute, I make more than that.  A lot more.  On an average busy day I can make anywhere from twenty to thirty dollars in hour thanks to the generosity of the general public.  However, if you think I’m living the high life, think again.  Due to inflation my wages only afford me a steady roof over my head, a daily cup of Starbucks, and the ability to keep my linens smelling of Gain laundry detergent.  Why, you ask?  The truth is, most servers don’t work a normal forty hour work week.  Due to business demands, our shifts are usually only about six hours long.  On top of that, many servers work less than five days a week.  This is why so many people are able to serve their way through college.  If servers were to get paid a so-called livable wage, we’d actually be taking a serious pay cut.  Do you honestly believe any restaurant owner is willing to pay their server $180 dollars for six hours of work?  I don’t.  Serving would become just another crappy customer service job and no longer be a respectable way to make a living without the luxury of an education.  As a result, professionalism would suffer.  This leads me to my next point.

2. A Tipped Employee Wants to See a Business do Well.

Anyone who’s ever worked in the service industry knows how exciting it is when business is booming.  No matter how flustered we get at the sheer volume of business, we remain positive because we know that at the end our shift we are going to make it rain ones and fives.  Our goal is in line with the restaurant owner’s and this creates a unique dynamic between restaurant employees and owners.  Servers often advertise for their employer through word of mouth.  Servers also try to ensure they give quality service to new patrons to elicit their return.  But what would happen if the custom of tipping were to be eliminated?  Servers would have no reason to take pride in their performance and no desire to see their employer do well.  They’d take little pride in their work and simply become another work mule for “the man” instead of working together with their employer to bring in business.  Ultimately, morale would drop and the pleasant ambiance of dining out would become a thing of the past, which brings me to my final argument.

3. Hourly Employees Have Little Reason to be Nice to You.

Think about the last time you went to a fast food restaurant.  How was your experience?  Did the employee go out of their way to ensure you recieved superior service?  Or did they roll their eyes a little at your annoying request for no onions? Most likely the latter.  Why?  Because the employee has no reason to be nice to you.  He’s going to get his eight bucks an hour no matter what.  Sure, if he were to be outright nasty to you he’d probably be fired. But so long as he is reasonably pleasant, he will maintain his employment and hourly wage.  His only motivation for treating you with respect is to remain employed. As Peter Gibbons from “Office Space” said, “That’ll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired”.

Do you really think your server would jump at your request for more ranch if she weren’t expecting a tip?  Sure she’d get it for you, but you’d be waiting much longer.  Of course, many people are professional enough to provide superior customer service no matter what the incentive but there are just as many people who would slack if tipping weren’t an expectation.  Think about the reasons you go out to eat.  Sure, you may have heard raves about an establishment’s food but a big part of any restaurant experience is the quality of its service.  If you eliminate this aspect of the dining experience you will have diminished its appeal.

So to all those claiming to be rallying for us servers by suggesting our employers pay us a “livable” wage, to all of you who so bodly assert that tipping is an archaic custom that should be done away with, I argue this; the custom of tipping is what makes the restaurant experience what it is.  If you want ambiance, you have to live with tipping.  Thank you and have a good night!

Top 5 Server Nightmares

I’m assuming many of you reading this are familiar with the TV sensation Kitchen Nightmares.  In case you are not it can basically be summed up as British celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey yelling at cooks and taking off his shirt a lot.  It’s rather entertaining.  The restaurant industry is ripe with nightmarish happenstances.  I’ll have you know they’re not exclusive to the back of the house.  In fact some of the most horrid scenarios occur in the front of house; in clear view for everyone to see.  Besides the obvious nightmare of the large party that doesn’t tip here are my top five server nightmares.

1.  The Spill That’s Your Fault

Waitress’s are well known for their remarkable ability to balance.  Witnessing us in action can compare to the sublimity of The Cirque Du Soleil.  Some of us can carry three drink glasses in one hand and a large water pitcher in the other.  Some can balance stacks of plates on our forearms.  And let us not forget about those large trays we balance so gracefully across the restaurant floor.  If you think they look heavy, it’s because they are.  A good server is never to drop ANYTHING!  Yet we are not plate running machines.  Alas, we are human.  There is no greater tragedy for a waitress than delivering several glasses of Merlot to a group of women only to spill it all over an uppity lady’s white blouse.  Mortifying.   “I’m sending you the dry cleaning bill”, is a line I’ve heard once or twice in my many years of serving.  What can one do at this point but apologize and hold back tears?

Or how about the even worse tragedy of the overzealous server attempting to balance too many plates on one tray only for it to result in almost slapstick routine as steaks tumble to the floor.  Now, not only are your customers upset about having to wait even longer for their food, the cooks are upset that they have to remake it and the management is contemplating charging you for the wasted product.

At this point the only reasonable option is to take the rest of the night off as it only gets worse from here.  Servers operate on an extremely regimented schedule.  While our time management skills are impeccable, one hitch in the plan can throw us off for the whole night.  If we drop one thing we drop ten more, burn someone with coffee and forget to put in your dessert order.  Our nerves get the best of us and we feel everyone’s eyes on us so we hide in the bathroom stall for a bit and maybe do a bit of crying.  But these horrors don’t compare to number two on my list of blunders…..

2.  The Customer Who Vomits

Anyone who’s been in the industry for more than a few months has experienced this catastrophe.  You know the scenario.  It’s the day of some big sporting event or a Kenny Chesney concert when a big group of boisterous twenty-something’s saunters in for a much needed fix of fried food and ranch dressing. They have clearly been drinking but not at your establishment and you’re unsure of whether to continue serving them as they immediately order a round of lemon drops.   You want a good tip so you buckle.  And then….no, no, no!  The 110 pound girl in the Browns jersey turns a pale shade of green and projectile vomits in a way reminiscent of Linda Blair all over the table and, gasp, the carpet!  While her friends begin to comfort her, you consider quitting in realization that you will inevitably have to clean this mess.  Then the smell hits you.  It’s obvious the nice people sitting in your booths are affected by the odor as well.  Their disgust will have an impact on your tip.  Why not just take the apron off right now and walk out the door?  Because, unfortunately you have bills to pay, maybe even college tuition, so you call forth the dishwasher (probably the worst job to have in a restaurant) and begin to clean.  The smell induces nausea in you and you think to yourself how could it have come to this?  Situations such as these are the reason servers are well known to have vices.  Seriously, is it that difficult to make a run for the bathroom?  But I’ve only just begun.

3.  The Customer Who Smells

As a general rule, servers are more intimate with the public.  We will compliment your blouse, gently place our palm in-between your shoulder blades as we laugh at your terrible jokes and even hug you if the situation warrants such sentiment.  Congeniality is our strong suit.  It’s how we make our money.  We have to be around people all day, we have to move in closer to hear your drink order in the midst of a noisy and bustling restaurant, it is genuinely appreciated that the majority of Americans have a keen understanding of hygiene and the need to apply antiperspirant.  For those among you who don’t possess this knowledge WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Those of you who work in the higher end restaurants are less likely to come across this but those of you working somewhere that features bogo burger Mondays, $1.00 taco Tuesdays or a breakfast for $2.99, know very well what I’m talking about.  The homeless guy or nursing home escapee walks in and, to your dismay, the host seats them in your section.  Now not only do you have to walk in their general direction, you have to endure the stench, which could be anything from a combination of rear end and unkempt armpit to feces to mothballs, as you take their order.  And why is it that these are the people who want to strike up a conversation the most?  All we want to do is get away.  I’ve thought about refusing service to the exceptionally smelly as their stench travels and lingers.  People are trying to eat.  We don’t want to make them ill.  Unfortunately it is socially unacceptable to tell someone that they smell, so these people often become weekly regulars on specials nights.   Why are there no public service announcements on the importance of hygiene?  But wait, there’s more….

4.  The Drunks That Forget to Pay

This is one of the worst possible scenarios.  A big group of young people are sitting in your section, drinking pretty heavily.  You’re pleased by this, as the price of their check is increasing with every round.  You’re joking with them, just having fun with the table and expecting a carelessly large tip.  Then, as you walk into the kitchen to grab another table’s mozzarella sticks, the unthinkable happens.  They somehow manage to sneak by the host and skip out without paying.  At this point, the manager gives you this look as if to ask you why you didn’t tackle them on the way out.  He or she is most certainly contemplating making you pay their $200 bill even though they can’t legally do that.  And you, well your damn close to regurgitating those French fries you snuck earlier.  It is the worst feeling.  Even though you were helpless in the situation you are most certainly going to be blamed.  I’ve learned in my years in the industry to watch the drunk tables like a hawk.  As a result this doesn’t happen very often.  When it does, though, it is horrible.

5. The Litter of Children

We’ve all experienced the customers who can’t/won’t control their children.  The little monsters are screaming, breaking every crayon you give them and crushing crackers into the carpet.  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love children.  They are precious.  But no one likes an unruly child.  Parents please, when you dine out remember that someone has to clean your mess when you leave, so at least make an attempt to clean up after your children.  Also if your baby is screaming bloody murder, there is no shame in soothing him outside of the restaurant, so as not to disturb the other customers.  You wouldn’t believe how many parents I’ve seen make absolutely no attempt to soothe their crying child, opting instead to let the child “cry it out” in the highchair of a crowded restaurant.  I simply don’t understand this behavior.

That is my rant for the day.  As you can see a server’s job is not easy and at times can be hellish.  So let us show our appreciation to waitress’s everywhere.  Thank you and have a good night.

4 Stupid Things You Say To Your Waitress

As a waitress, I am continually dumfounded by the stupidity of the general public.  I’ve seen everything from a sudden loss in the ability to read, namely the menu, to the inability to understand that food needs to cook before you serve it, in my clientele.  Hunger actually stimulates certain hormones, causing humans to focus more acutely and act quicker according to an article in the New York Times magazine, so the dichotomy here makes little sense.  This attribute in human biology doesn’t shadow the fact that when most people go to a restaurant they suddenly lose their faculties and ability to speak articulately to friendly strangers.  Here are four stupid things you say to your waitress….

1. I’ll Just Have Water

The dialogue usually goes something like this…..

Server: “May I get you something to drink”?

Customer: “No, I’ll just have water”.

When did water cease to be a beverage?  Water is in fact the quintessential beverage, the one everyone needs to drink in order to survive and everyone likes.  Just because water is free doesn’t mean your server doesn’t have to prepare it and bring it to you beautifully garnished with a lemon wedge, the same way she does all the other drinks on the menu.  Just because water is free doesn’t mean you’re not going to drink and enjoy it.  Water is most certainly a drink.  Its popularity creates work for the server just like anything else, keeping water pitchers full, glasses stocked etc.  So order water, with conviction.  It is a beverage and it dirties a glass just the way everything else does.

2. You Order Your Eggs “Dippy”

It goes something like this… You order the “two extra large eggs, any style”, and your waitress politely asks “what style would you like your eggs to be”, and you reply, “I don’t know, dippy”.

I asked you how you wanted your eggs done, not for an adjective to describe your personality.  What the hell?  Dippy?  You mean eggs you can dip your toast in?  Well, there are several variations on the runny yolk egg: over easy, over medium, sunny side up, poached easy, poached medium and basted, to name a few.  If you don’t know how to order you’re eggs, simply describe to waitress how you like them.  For example….

You:  “I like the whites cooked but I want the yolks runny”.

Server: “I see, you want over medium”.

Problem solved.

Another example of egg ordering befuddlement is from those of you in the to cool for school club.  You know who you are….

You: “I’ll just take a couple of eggs over with bacon and wheat toast”

Server: “Huh”?

Over how?  Nine times out of ten you mean over easy but really, how on earth are we, the order takers, supposed to know that?  Just because the jukebox plays Little Richard when you tap it in just the right way and when you snap your fingers a gaggle of giggling girls appear from thin air, doesn’t mean you have the capability to transmit your thoughts telepathically and a server can read your mind.  Please, just order eggs like a normal person.

3:  What’s in That?

I’m sorry, was the menu unclear when it, quite literally, listed every ingredient in the entrée you are pointing at?  Seriously, people?  Is the ability to read a menu lost on you?  Is it really necessary for you to hold me up at your table while I list a slew of ingredients to you even though they are all clearly formulated, right under your nose?

Really people, I couldn’t stress this more, READ THE MENU!  I realize it’s our job to accommodate you, but come on, is it really that hard to take just 20 seconds out of your day to read the specials, the soups of the day or the ingredients in a particular sandwich?  In reality, it takes longer for us to recite the menu to you than it does for you to read yourself.  Let that sink in a bit.  Menu illiteracy does not look good on you.

The worst offenders order from the menu without reading it first and then complain about their entrée once it’s arrived.

Terrible Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know this had mushrooms in it.  I’m allergic to mushrooms.  Can I get something else”?

At this point your server wants to smack you with the menu.  If you have an allergy, an aversion, a dietary specification, if you have any special need really, please tell us.  We are happy to accommodate you vegan, you diabetic, you with the gluten allergy, you with the fear of onions, any of you.  We can do nothing, though, if you don’t first make clear your dietary needs.

4: Do You Have a Bathroom?

“No sir, we are the only restaurant in existence that does not have a bathroom.  We’re going to have to ask you to move your bowels in the hole we’ve provided outside, if that’s okay.  There is a nearby bush with large durable leaves that you can pick from to wipe yourself.  Beware of the poison ivy though”.

Of course we have a bathroom.  If you need to know where it is, ask that.  Don’t ask if we have a bathroom.  It is obvious that we do.

I am aware that my gripes may sound a bit petty.  I am writing this mostly to be tongue in cheek but also to make it known that servers answer all sorts of dumb questions throughout the day.  It can be taxing at times, especially at our busiest times.  So please, don’t leave your brain at the door when you go into a restaurant.  Thank you and have a great night.

You Don’t Even Know You’re Annoying Your Waitress

There’s something special about dining out. The ambiance of the restaurant, the presentation of the cuisine and a congenial and attractive person, happily handing you your grub. The restaurant experience wouldn’t be the same without that witty plate runner smiling at you, pretending to like you. Servers spend all their time making others happy but have you ever thought about what it takes to make them happy? Clearly, you appreciate being waited on, if you wanted to be treated like crap you’d go to a fast food restaurant. Sure you tip, I mean isn’t that the whole point. But what about that time in-between the greeting and the tip? What about that time when your server has no idea whether you will tip the customary 20% or you are oblivious to the fact that inflation is a very real thing and will leave a quarter and a religious tract or just some trash for her to pick up?

I will try not to spend this all in one place, but there's no telling what will happen once I've arrived at the fun factory
I will try not to spend this all in one place, but there’s no telling what will happen once I’ve arrived at the fun factory

Offenders; you know who are but there are other, less obvious offenses that make your waiter want to kill you. They are as follows….

You Run Your Server

This happens so often that those of us in the business have coined a phrase for it. Servers understand that guests need things and for the most part we are happy to accommodate you. There comes a point, however, when you have demanded too much. A point in which we begin to daydream about spitting in your lemons or farting on your extra napkins. You can easily discern when you have committed this offense at which point, your server, donning a plastered on pseudo smile, asks you this question: “Is there anything else I can get for you?” What we are really saying behind our affable guise is “You have sent me on four trips. I have five other tables. Who the hell puts steak sauce on their eggs? If you ask me for one more thing, I swear to God, I’m putting a gypsy curse on you!”. Admittedly, there are those times when we legitimately forget the obvious things, such as a bottle of ketchup to go along with an order of fries, or cream for your coffee. What really grinds our gears, is when you assume ranch dressing is the go to dipping sauce for a quesadilla or you feel entitled to a soup bowl full of lemon wedges. If you have these requests, fine, simply ask for everything you need at once instead of sending us on a slew of trips to fish for red onions or the ever popular, extra ranch and we will be forever grateful.  It is important for you as a customer to remember that the universe doesn’t revolve around you.  YOU ARE NOT OUR ONLY CUSTOMER!  I can not stress this enough.  When you run us like a dog or snap your fingers at us when we look like this…….


you appear self-absorbed and we are less eager to grant your wishes.  Making you happy is our livelihood.  Don’t ever worry that you have been forgotten about.  It is very rarely true.  This, however, doesn’t even begin to describe the nonsense we, servers endure daily. I bring you to common customer crime number two…

You Don’t Understand Meat Temps

This is a fairly common shortcoming amongst customers and a rather forgivable one at that.  Here’s a quick rundown of meat temperatures for those of you who are unsure.   A rare steak is going to be very bloody and red.  It’s practically flopping around on the plate.  Hardcore carnivores enjoy this primal delight.  Medium rare is cooked through a little more but still very red in the middle.  Most people really enjoy a medium steak, as it’s pink in the center, tender and not too bloody.  I found this is what people think they’re getting when they order medium rare.  Then there is there is medium well.  Order this if you want a tender steak with little to no pink.  Well done is for those of you who fear Mad Cow disease, E-Coli, botulism and any number of foodborne illnesses you are very unlikely to contract if you are a healthy adult.  A well done steak is completely cooked through, not a hint of pink remains.  Done right, a well done steak should still be tender and delicious.  This is why you should never order a well done steak at say, a diner, that specializes in eggs.   The cooks might not  be able to accommodate you, as their expertise is in eggs and other breakfast fair .  If you like your steak well done and tender, go to a steak house.  Even Outback should be sufficient.  To offer a clearer image of meat temperature, I’ve provided a picture below.  Visual learners take note.

I’ve offered this tutorial to prove a greater point.  Your server does not mind answering your questions.  It is our job.  Any good server would be happy to explain to you what medium rare looks like.   The problem servers so often have, is when the customer orders their steak say, medium rare, unsure of what medium rare is and complains once the food has arrived.  You might think you are being nice by saying something like “Can you just have the cook throw it back on the grill?” but once you’ve cut into the meat, throwing it back on the grill is a mistake.  You are not going to get back that delicious, medium steak you so hoped for and should’ve ordered in the first place, you are going to receive something that tastes more like this……

Enjoy your steak!
Enjoy your steak!

See, red meat can be finicky. You can’t poke into it when it’s cooking or you risk toughness, you shouldn’t put the meat on the grill when it’s cold, the list goes on. So when you are unsure of how to order your steak and order it anyway, the restaurant loses money and your server loses time that could be better spent on making her other tables happy as well as you. So please, ask questions and know what you’re ordering.  I’m merely scratching the surface, however, of a servers distress.  I bring you to number three…

You Ask to Sit Anywhere Other Than Where the Host is Attempting to Seat You

Okay, I get it; you don’t want to sit next to the bathroom, but I can’t count the number of times a day I hear the query “Can we have a booth?”.  What the hell is everyone’s problem with tables?  Do you know of anyone who has a kitchen booth in their home?  Sure, booths are comfortable and all, but would sitting at a table really be such an awful experience?  And what about all you window gazers that ask to be seated by the window.  I’ve seen not one of you actually look outside while engaged in conversation with your dinner companion.  You see, there is reason every restaurant has that “Please Wait to be Seated” sign at the door.  It is to control the customer traffic and ensure every section gets seated proportionately.  Yes, servers have a thing called a section, five to six tables usually, located in the within a close proximity of one another, and it’s the host’s job to confirm that each section gets seated fairly.  It’s simple really.  When you ask to sit somewhere other than where the host is seating you, you put a kink in the rotation.  It could be a minor discrepancy or it could result in a complete, imbalance situation, where one server is running her butt off while another has a thumb up hers.  So your request to sit by the window can be cutting into a servers money.  An even worse offender is the table hopper.  We’ve seatedyou, you’ve received your drinks and for some trivial reason you ask to move to another table.  Now, not only does the server lose money but she has to clean and reset that table.  Servers make anywhere between two and four dollars an hour.  We rely on tips to live.  So please just sit where the host seats you and try not to be difficult.  And now, my final gripe…..

You Leave the Table a Hot Mess

This may come as a shock to some of you but not every restaurant employs busboys.  In fact most restaurants only schedule a busboy to work during their busiest hours.  Usually this person is either a dishwasher or one of the employees adolescent children.  In most cases though, it’s the servers job to clean your table.  A server wears many hats: custodian, sales associate, host, salad engineer, toast technician  etc..  Of course, we expect the table to be  somewhat disorderly after your departure.  It’s when you feel the need open every packet of sugar, leaving behind a sticky paper trail of grief, or you spill your ranch dip and imbed the stain into the carpet with the sole of your shoe, that we grimace.  If you have children dining with you, leaving your table a disaster area is far more forgivable but you wouldn’t believe the messes I’ve expurgated; beget from the hands of civilized adults.  I’d swear this was happening when I disappeared into the kitchen….

34825So just a reminder, there is no cleaning fairy that picks up after you when you depart.  A real person has to clean your mess.  So maybe a restaurant isn’t the place to practice “food-ball” by flinging morsels of your dessert into your significant others mouth with the tines of your fork.  Maybe, have a little more consideration.  God knows there are so many more things I could complain about but that is all I have for now.  Thank you and have a great night.