5 Stupid Things all Servers Hate

Serving is not easy.  So, of course, there are several things about the job that are horrible and justifiably hated by everyone in the business.  Vindicable hindrances of the industry include things like bad tippers, rude customers, slow business etc.  A few annoyances are to be expected in any career.  Serving for a number of years, though, has a tendency to make certain people curmudgeonly.  As a result, they start hating anything and everything.  My tenure in the industry has caused me to notice certain patterns in the more crotchety server’s complaints.  In fact, I’m guilty of complaining about a few of these things myself.  Finding yourself bent out of shape by the following things is silly and makes no sense, but nonetheless servers everywhere complain about these things consistently.  Here are five stupid things all servers hate……

Bowls

While those of you in the business are unanimously sharing nods, the rest of the world is confusedly asking WTF.  Our hatred for bowls has a simple explanation; they screw up our pre-bussing mojo.  As servers, we value efficiency and are always looking for the quickest ways to complete a task.  The best servers can carry a stack of plates high enough to qualify them for a circus act.  plates

So when we’re collecting your dishes from the table, and you hand us a bowl, you’ve suddenly halted our mission.  We either have to put the bowl down somewhere and deal with carrying it later or, if our section is full and there’s nowhere to put the stupid bowl, we have to stop collecting dishes.  Bowls, ramekins, gravy boats, and basically any dish that isn’t shaped like a frisbee, severely hinder a busy server but it’s stupid because what else are you going to put your soup in?

Your Hot Tea Order

hot tea

This one is especially dumb but whenever you order hot tea, your server rolls her eyes on the inside.  It’s really not even that big a deal but the idea of pouring a hot tea makes us shudder.  Maybe if the drink order didn’t require multiple steps to make, yet add very little to bill, it wouldn’t irritate us so much.  Or maybe if we didn’t burn ourselves with the splashing hot water spigot everytime we used it, the idea of making a hot tea wouldn’t make us hate the person who ordered it.  It’s like that doorknob in Office Space that shocks Peter everytime he touches it.  And really, unless your British or something, why the hell are you drinking tea?  To seem fancy?  Just order a coffee, like a normal person.

When You Use Our Name too Much

Uhg, this is particularly annoying even if it doesn’t make any sense.  On one hand, we tell you our name so that you’ll use it instead of yelling “Miss”, or worse, “Maam” everytime you need something from us.  But if you’re making a point to use our name everytime you speak to us, even if it’s not necessary, it’s annoying.  It’s hard to explain why.  The worst offenders of this transgression are usually middle aged men on their lunch breaks.  The implication I get from them is that A: they’re trying really hard to remember my name for creepy, inappropriate reasons, and B: that they’re going to run me like crazy asking for things.  Whatever their reasons for overusing their server’s first name, it’s always annoying.

When You Don’t Drink Your Water

I can’t even with this one.  When you ask a server for water initially, it’s fine.  But when we’ve gone to clean your table after you’ve left and we find that you haven’t even touched the water, it’s excruciating.  What did you waste our time for?  A glass of water is not a decoration.

When You Tip us in Change

It doesn’t matter how much you leave us, if you leave it in quarters, you may as well have stiffed us.  You’ve actually put us out even more because now we have to walk around all day with an apron that’s sliding off because it’s full of heavy change.  Not too mention all the noise it’s making.

The moral of the story here, is that working with people can be highly taxing on the human psyche and has a tendency to make people a little crazy, which is probably why servers drink so much.  Bottoms up!  Oh and thanks and have a good night 😉

server drunkk

Angry Waitress

angry

I was just dilly dallying around and I wrote this silly little poem.  It should resonate with those in the industry.  I hope you guys get a chuckle out of it.  Thanks and have a good night!

Angry Waitress

You said you wanted corned beef hash.
But I brought it to you and you glared.
I wish you knew that your mustache 
looks as though you grew it on a dare.

You've tapped me seven times for coffee.
And every time you need more cream.
Would I be so rude to proffer
that you go suckle on an engorged cow teat?

All of my guests are equally weird.
This one guy won't take the food out of his beard.
The woman in my booth is separating her peas.
I wonder; what's her mental disease?

Sometimes I think I might just lose it.
Like, when I asked "how are you" and you answered with "iced tea".
But without money I can't make it.
Such is the price of wage slavery.

Day in day out, I put on this face.
And everyday I grow more tired.
I like to think I'll move on to a better place.
But I'll be here 'til I get fired.

But when I finally lose my mind,
please try not to forget that time
you glared at me and your corned beef hash.
Because frankly, you could kiss my ass.